What rules have you set for your child’s cell phone use?
Gone are the days when monitoring phone use meant just picking up the phone in another room to listen to the conversation. Today’s youth rarely even use their phones for actual voice conversations. They are more likely to use it to view Snapchat Stories, post Instagram photos, play games, catch up on pop culture via BuzzFeed, surf the web, text and even do their homework. As a parent, it can be frightening knowing that they have the world at their fingertips. Setting up family rules regarding your child’s cell phone use is key to ensuring your child learns how to safely use this powerful technology.
Wait for as long as you can!
Your first rule should be at what age to give them a phone. In our house, we delayed purchasing a phone for our children until they were 14 years old. My youngest would tell me he was the only kid in middle school without one, and sadly he was probably right. But since I feel strongly about this topic, I stuck to my guns and made him wait. My husband and I could not find a compelling reason why he needed one. “Because everyone else has one” does not fly in our household. Many parents buy their young child a phone because they want to be able to contact them at school or when they are at a friend’s house. But is that really necessary? Think back to when we were children, we didn’t have phones and we made it to and from school safely and were picked up relatively on time after practices. I would rather have my son wait a bit longer for a pick-up then give him the ability to access porn at his fingertips! I would even argue that giving a 10-year-old a phone so that they can have constant communication with their parent is one more example of the helicopter parenting that is rampant these day. How can we teach our children to think for themselves when we are only a call or text away? If they are at school and need to reach me there is a phone in the office or when not at school they can always ask to borrow their friend’s phone. Every family situation is different and regardless at what age you decide to give your child a phone setting agreed upon guidelines are critical to ensuring their safe use.
Their phone is really MY phone
When we (finally) purchased phones for our children we made them sign a contract outlining our expectations. We keep it in a handy spot and when they break one of the rules we pull it out and remind them of our rules. One of the first things discussed on the contract is that the phone is actually ours and that we are giving them the privilege to use it. This sets up the premise that we can view it or take it away whenever we feel is necessary. I do not believe they should have the expectation of privacy on their phone. It is a powerful device giving them unbelievable access to the internet so you better believe that I check their browsing history, read their texts and check their Instagram feeds. Now, I don’t do this on a daily basis but I do periodically check it and I think it acts as a deterrent to them. As your children grow and mature you can change or relax the rules. I’m not as strict now with my older son because he has shown good judgement and earned some privacy.
What would Grandma say?
A key rule for us is don’t say or post anything that you would not want your grandmother to see. Unless you have a wild and crazy grandmother, this rule usually helps children understand what is and isn’t appropriate.
Take the phone away
Our contract clearly states that one of the consequences for breaking a rule is that they will lose their phone. Think of it as “grounding” the phone. Many parents I speak with are loath to go that far because it will make their child unhappy or will be inconvenient for the parent. Yes, it might be inconvenient for you, but no one said parenting is easy. If we want our children to use their phones in an acceptable manner we must be willing to follow through with consequences. I find that the loss of a cellphone is some of the only currency I have with my children.
Cell Phone Rules Contract
This is the link to our Cell Phone Contract. Feel free to use it or alter as needed. Below is a short summary
The phone is the parent’s and they are allowing the child to use it
Child should not sleep with phone in room. Leave it in the kitchen to charge
Child will give parent passwords to all accounts
Child will not post, message, share, etc. anything inappropriate
Child will not delete history, messages, etc.
Child will not download apps without permission
Child will maintain a B average at school
Child will immediately report anything inappropriate to parents
The consequence for not following the rules is loss of phone privileges.
Good luck navigating these waters!